Pros and Cons of Having a Baby without Family Support
In November 2021, I received some exciting news – I was pregnant!
I was happy and overwhelmed, but this also raised many concerns. Especially because my husband and I had only been living in Dubai for seven months, and a big question popped up in my mind:
How can we have a baby abroad without family support?
Moving to Dubai was a big decision for us. My husband had accepted a new job, and I recently left my corporate job to start my online business. While excited about this new chapter, I struggled to find a community and support system to help me grow my business in our new home. On a personal level, our move was also driven by some family dynamics. My family disapproved of my relationship with my now-husband, which was a difficult time for both of us. But when he proposed in December 2020, we saw this move to Dubai as a chance to start fresh and build a life together.
So, we moved from Germany to Dubai in May 2021.
We always talked about having a baby sometime and didn’t want to put undue pressure on ourselves or set a fixed timeline. To our surprise, we became pregnant quite quickly. The news of our pregnancy brought me a mix of emotions, including relief, anxiety, joy, excitement, and fear. When I told my mom about it over Zoom, her reaction was quiet, and she didn’t show much emotion when I shared the ultrasound.
I realized she needed time to digest that her daughter was having a baby-1000 kilometers away.
When we shared our pregnancy news with friends and family, we were bombarded with questions about our plans.
- Are you coming back to Germany? Are you going to deliver the baby in Germany?
- How is it to have a baby in Dubai? Is it safe? How are the doctors there? Isn’t there a language barrier?
- Do you have a network of friends already with babies?
- Is your/his mom coming to support you?
- How can you both handle it without family support?
I was even more stressed and felt so alone.
We decided to stop our anxious thoughts and focus on the positive. It’s easy for people to turn good things into bad ones, but we believe that life is what you make of it. There will always be challenges and sacrifices, but there are also good things to be found in every situation.
Ultimately, we decided not to fly our moms over to Dubai, as it would have been too much of a burden for everyone involved.
Now, nine months into our journey with our baby, let me share our experience
DISADVANTAGES OF RAISING A BABY ABROAD WITHOUT FAMILY
Lack of Family Bonding
I grew up with a big family around me, so it was hard to accept that my child won’t have that experience. Facetime and Zoom will be the most important tools for those long-distance relationships. Although it’s not the same as in-person interaction, it still helps to keep us connected.
No babysitter = No couple’s time
While we could hire a babysitter or nanny, leaving our child with a stranger is still difficult. However, we’re working on building trust with our close friends and neighbors who can help us with babysitting.
Intense Visits Home
Family trips home are super intense when living abroad with or without a baby, which is good and bad. It’s good because everyone values the time spent together. However, it is often packed with too many plans and activities, which can be exhausting. To avoid being burned out after each family trip, we try to plan a schedule ahead of time, communicate with everyone involved, and set expectations. We also make sure to carve out some alone time for our little family to relax and recharge.
BENEFITS of Raising a Baby Abroad Without Family
No direct and unnecessary intervention
When you announce your pregnancy, everyone suddenly becomes an expert on babies. While some advice can be helpful, evaluating the source and determining what works for your family is essential.
I appreciate most of my mom’s advice, but some of them do not fit our generation anymore. Medicine, gender roles changed, and also parenting styles. Living abroad can make setting boundaries easier and filtering out unnecessary or outdated advice.
Growing Confidence as Parents
My husband and I were forced to navigate parenthood on our own. While it was very challenging initially, it helped us develop stronger communication and teamwork skills, and we ultimately became more confident as parents.
Exposure to Diversity and Open-Mindedness
Raising a baby in an international environment exposes them to diverse cultures and perspectives. While it can be lonely at times, living abroad offers opportunities to meet new people and expand your mindset, which can be invaluable for you and your child.
Learning a Different Way
Different countries and cultures have different approaches to parenting and life in general. I met many interesting moms from all over the world and learned so much. Living in a diverse city and meeting people from all over can open you up to new experiences and help you learn to understand and do things differently.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m being constantly influenced by society’s expectations of how I should think about certain things. Should I feel lonely, guilty, and scared about having a baby abroad?
Absolutely not. I’ve realized that I’m not alone in feeling this way and fortunately, we’ve met others who have gone through the same experience
It’s easy to stay in our comfort zone and avoid taking risks, but we’ll never know what we’re capable of if we don’t push ourselves out of our safe bubble.
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