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Growing up, I believed that most things that happened in my life were beyond my control.

Many decisions were made on my behalf, such as how to dress, what to study, and which career path. Coming from an immigrant family, it is important to honour the cultural values and the sacrifices my family made to provide us children with a better life.

When I completed school, I felt pressured to decide my next steps, particularly in choosing a field of study. Being Chinese, I was well aware of the limited options available when it came to selecting the subject (If you know, you know). I ended up studying economics without truly exploring other paths. While applying for my first job, my main concern was whether my family approves my choice and if it was aligned with their expectations. Instead of asking myself:

“Is this something I genuinely enjoy and want to pursue?”

Growing up in an environment where decisions are made without much consideration for the child’s input or autonomy can contribute to a sense of powerlessness. It reinforces the belief that external factors hold all the power.

Some parents dictate their child’s educational path, career choices, and even personal relationships without allowing their kids to explore their own interests and desires. Consequently, such a parenting style can foster a mindset where the child feels that their own actions are limited, like in my case.

As a result, I tended to attribute any accomplishments in my life only to external factors. Sometimes I think to myslef: “Why should I even bother put the effort into this? There is anyway nothing I can do about it”.

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At the age of 29, I started a therapy during which I realized this perspective profoundly impacted my life. My therapist also noticed a tendency towards a fatalistic mindset.

What is a fatalist mindset?

It is the belief that events in life are predetermined, and individuals have little control over their outcomes. A fatalistic person believes in destiny: whatever is meant to happen will happen.

Though it was not explicitly fatalism, I recognized that I had been living with a deeply fixed belief that I was a mere passenger in my own existence.

A turning point came when I started questioning my desires and motivations. Did I pursue my studies out of genuine interest? Did I truly desire marriage, or did societal pressure drive it? These reflective moments helped me realize that while some guidance is necessary, especially during childhood, reclaiming autonomy over our lives is crucial.

We all experience moments of stagnation, where it feels like we are stuck in a never-ending loop with no progress in sight.

During these times, we must remind ourselves that change is possible.

• Taking control does not mean we can control every aspect of life. However, it means actively participating in the decisions and actions that shape your journey.
• Recognizing our role in our lives opens the door to personal growth, resilience, and fulfilment. It allows you to pursue your passions, overcome challenges, and shape your destiny.
• In pursuing self-discovery, remember that your voice, choices, and actions shape your story.

I sometimes still struggle to find the balance between honouring my family values and pursuing my ambitions. However, I have realized that true happiness comes from actively shaping our own stories, not just observing them.

Leaving my corporate job behind and relocating to Dubai was one of the biggest decisions I made for myself. Explore the full story on this blog, and join me in this transformative journey!